Define Your Experience

A week of the hot water ritual has been nice. It is a small dose of sensory deprivation in the morning that allows me to reset, reflect, and plan…a mini Mecca. The simplicity of the ritual makes the whole thing portable, too.

I’m a creature of the moment; I constantly seek “edge experiences”. Edge experiences, to me, are ones that force you to live the moment. While big, life-changing events like marriage or child-birth certainly qualify, we can find the edge in much less heady waters.

Motorcycling provides the edge. You have to constantly identify and predict potential hazards. If you leave the moment you risk your safety.

Whitewater river guiding was an edge experience. I had to stay in the moment to read the water and direct my crew.

Writing puts me on edge…albeit a forgiving one because I can always go back and edit my words. But while I write, I’m here 100%, trying my damnedest to make a coherent connection.

Dancing, for me, is a edge moment…especially during a live performance by a reflective artist who responds to the crowd.

A shared experience can put everyone in the same moment. Yes that's Earth, Wind & Fire...I don't have rights to many concert photos.

Lesson learned: Living in the moment forces clarity of mind .

And while we shouldn’t worry too much about the past or the future, combining the two during a 5 minute pause, reflect and plan ritual early in your day can help clear a path through the day that helps align your thoughts, words, and actions.

And when what you say, what you do, and what you think are all the same…why, that’s self-actualization (aka happiness).

My wife left late last week for a 5 state, 1,600 mile jaunt that took her recycled fashion show on the road and I had the honor of getting to spend the weekend with my daughter. We called it our daddy/daughter weekend and started planning what we were going to do weeks before.

Heaven. I interacted with my little girl in a way that my normal schedule doesn’t allow. As the day wore one, I grew more and more amazed at her ability to process her environment and the questions she asked. Like any proud dad, I took tons of pictures.

She wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up.

But then I gave her the camera. My wife and I recently started letting our daughter hold the digital and take pictures. She’s very careful…if not a little wobbly.

And here is her picture of me.

How would you look if a kid took your picture?

Worldly success is measured in adult terms: money, property, job status, travel experiences, education level, etc..

But through a child’s lens, none of that matters. A child defines success a different way:

• Are you happy?
• Are you doing something you love?
• Do you want to be here?

Today’s lesson: Define success on more basic terms.

Pictures don't always have to be in focus to tell the story.

There is an old saying that extols the benefits of friends and community: “Joy multiplies; sorrow divides.”  It is healthy to share your successes and sorrows with your friends. It is part of our daily routine. Some of the first phrases we learn when acquiring a foreign language include a version of, “Hello. How are you?”

So we share our sorrows and successes, but how often do we share our inspiration? Are we selective about who we want to inspire? Do we give credit do the people that inspire us?

Inspiration can spread like fire.

Daily Assignment: Thank the people who inspire me. Share their inspiration with other people.

I’m lucky to have married my number one inspiration source. My wife and I both see our home as base camp and encourage each other to take on new challenges. Recently I was thinking about going to a conference out of state but had just started a new job so it would have been a day without pay (and money is tight).

I woke up the next morning with her elbowing me gently saying, “Go. Go. You need to go. Take the day off and go. We’ll be fine.”

Lesson learned: Seek inspiration and to inspire. Associate with people who do the same.

So here are a few that come to mind:

• Alex Bogusky & Max Lenderman & Brains on Fire. Max spoke at a Brains on Fire event and introduced me to the concepts of heart and empathy in marketing.
• Kamran Popkin’s “Marble Season. Swag Season.” post. It didn’t change my life, it affirmed it.
• Dino Demopoulos‘s 25 Thoughts and Guiding Principles (on the right side of his page).
• Jason Yarborough – For reminding me about the power of Belief.
• Jeff Wyman – For showing that family is a basic need.
• Dave Batterman – For being an artistic version of Uncle TJ.

Inspiration and wonderment often go hand in hand.

So who inspires you?

I touched on it on day one when I was preparing my morning’s cup of hot water: we are not responsible for the things we use everyday. The interdependency of our species is staggering. One worker’s uncleanliness in a foreign factory can result in an E. Coli outbreak across our entire country.

My wife’s great uncle TJ could hunt, farm, blacksmith, and build a house or car from the ground up. How many people like him are left in this world?

When is the last time you made something with your hands?

You can find meaning and purpose by creating something beautiful.

My wife has been working for almost three years on a clothing line. She scavenges through Goodwill and thrift stores, buys old clothes, takes them apart and makes something new. Her creations are art and fashion. Each piece is unique to the client. All of them are loved. None are perfect.

100% recycled fabric and 100% awesome

Today’s lesson: Creating something makes you more connected to your world.

Too many times we’re proud of our purchases. We feel special when we have something that others covet but buying is not creating. It is not a creative process.

During the Summer, I don’t buy my wife flowers. Around April, I start zinnia seedlings and plant them after the first frost. Instead of buying her flowers, I cut her fresh ones every week.

If you are following along from home, try to figure out something you can make yourself to replace a buying habit.

Let me know if you need some zinnia seeds.

Today I notified family, some friends, a few community members, and even someone I’ve never met before to weigh in on this project. The response was great. Most encouraged. Some challenged. Some were silent.

I especially appreciated Yarby’s concept of centering. I am ADHD yet introspective and I start talking when nervous. I wish I was more stoic. I see my impulsiveness as one of my greatest character flaws.

Calling it a character flaw seems pretty harsh, huh? In a recent discussion about what makes us human, I gave my two cents in the comments. I had spent the night driving home from Greenville, SC listening to an NPR interview with George Dawes Green (novelist, poet, and founder of The Moth). Mr Green stated that nobody likes stories about perfect people doing perfect things and having a jolly good perfect time.

His advice: If you want to captivate your audience, tell an embarrassing story about yourself.

So with that frame of reference, here is how I answered the question, “What makes us human?”

Our flaws make us human.
Empathy makes us human.
Telling (and listening to) stories makes us human. Good stories are shared with close friends and they involve personal experiences. The best story-tellers expose their own flaws.

Reverse engineer this next time you have a conversation. Does the person across the table/tube want the white-washed “Digital Super Me” (Alex Bogusky’s name for it). Is that what they will relate to? What kind of conversation will it start? Will they in turn expose their true selves or their own Digital Super Me? Will it be an honest conversation or a game of upsmanship?

So tomorrow, after I wake up and have my hot cup of water, my directive for the day will be:

Wait to speak until spoken to.

This will be a tough one for me. I won’t even pretend to say I can do it from this day forward and I certainly hope you all don’t do this (how would any conversation ever start?). This is me…addressing my personal flaw. If you are following along at home, pick your greatest character flaw and do something similar tomorrow. Do something that goes against your nature.

As usual, look for an update tomorrow.

Flaws help us be unique

So the morning went well. I slipped a little and read some news while I drank my hot water but, hey, it’s my day off. I’ve extended today’s directive into the internet as well. I’m not initiating any contact today whatsoever.

Still no real lesson for the day yet…

Got it. Lesson learned: Don’t pursue perfection.

Set goals. Improve yourself constantly. But be at peace with your flaws and learn to work with them.

Look, I’m new at this, too. It is hard to pick a starting point. It’s almost time for bed and I’m going to wake up to day 1 and just have a go at being human. My first instinct is to start some sort of meditation ritual but realistically, I know I need to start small. I’m pretty sure I first heard of this about 3 years back in an Adbusters issue.

Start every morning with a cup of hot water.

No coffee in it. No tea leaves. No lemon. Nothing.

Boil it. Pour it in a cup. Sip.

Alleged health benefits aside, it can be a mental and spiritual moment, too. Pick a place to sit down and make this a small, early morning ritual. Sip your hot water and do nothing else.

Tomorrow I’m going to pick a spot to sit and sip. I’ll even take a picture….when I’m done sipping.

My sipping spot when there's no rain: the blue bench in Pop's garden.

So this is where I sat for my first sip. I woke up, got my little one up and fed, and started heating the water. Even for a ritual as simple as sipping hot water, I’m relying on many things outside my control. From the water, to the electricity, to the mug itself…I’m not directly responsible for any of it.

The sipping time was nice. Switz (our cat) came out to join me and we sat on the bench in silence. I feel better today. When I finally ate something (vanilla yogurt), the flavors were already much more vivid.

I plan to drink hot water only for the next two weeks, then I’ll add a simple flavor like a single bay leaf or a bit of lime juice.

Lesson learned: Don’t start the day with a sensory assault.

Seek beauty in the everyday.